Heights To Depths

39.  Heights To Depths

 

“I will love Thee, O LORD, my strength.  The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust;  In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God:  He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry came before Him, even into His ears … He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places.”[269]

 

After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.[270]

 

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible,

he is very probably wrong.[271]

 

Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own.

You may both be wrong.[272]

 

Vicki was on an emotional and spiritual mountain top … a period of time when everything was going really well.  The birds were singing, the flowers were in bloom, relationships were strong, and it was easier for her to hear God’s voice because she felt much closer to God at that altitude.  In early February she was on the heights, looking down.

February 6, 2003

Wow, what a week!

I called Judy (Clattenburg) on Monday concerning the way I speak to Lowell and dishonor him.  She had good counsel.  Judy felt I need to form NEW habits.  I need to stop and think before I talk.  I need to ask Lowell, “Do you want my opinion?”  If he says, “Yes,” then I need to give it … and then STOP!  I need to remember:  “This is your man, your husband, and he NEEDS your respect and honor more than anyone’s.”

 I need to pray, pull up Scripture on pride, and learn them.  I need to meditate on them, and memorize them so that I will avoid behaving proudly.  I need to take a look at the Pharisees (and legalism), and how Jesus addressed them/it.  I need to ask myself, “How did Jesus feel about them?”  (That’s how He feels about me when I act self-righteously and proudly.)

I really want to change in this area.  I HAVE to change if God is going to use Lowell and me in greater ministry.

 

I saw some real change in the way Vicki interacted with me after her conversations with Judy.  I didn’t know about them until we sat down in the early summer and she read me this portion of her journal.  Vicki explained, in greater detail, what Judy and she had talked about, the suggestions she had entertained, and how she processed those ideas.  After our talk she asked me, “So … how am I doing?”

She was doing great!  She was giving me respect and honor, the two things every husband longs for, and what every man works for.  I told her that I had seen the changes, heard the difference in the way she talked to me, and that my confidence and security had dramatically improved.

Again, Vicki was feeling on top of the world in her heart.  It was her body that was down in the valley.  The pain in her back had changed since Christmas.  It had moved from a nuisance and a nagging discomfort to a severe throbbing.  More CT-Scans were ordered in the first week of February.

Dr. John Kuda, Vicki’s wonderful radiologist at Henrico Doctors Hospital, oversaw all of Vicki’s scans. 

If you’re facing cancer you need to understand what a CAT Scan is.  “With CAT scanning, numerous x-ray beams and a set of electronic x-ray detectors rotate around you, measuring the amount of radiation being absorbed throughout your body.  At the same time, the examination table is moving through the scanner, so that the x-ray beam follows a spiral path.  A special computer program processes this series of pictures, or slices of your body, to create two-dimensional cross-sectional images, which are then displayed on a monitor.

“CT imaging is sometimes compared to looking into a loaf of bread by cutting the loaf into thin slices.  When the image slices are reassembled by computer software, the result is a very detailed multidimensional view of the body's interior.

“Modern CT scanners are so fast that they can scan through large sections of the body in just a few seconds. Such speed is beneficial for all patients but especially children, the elderly and critically ill.”[273]

We knew information was coming, and we were “prayed up.”  We felt prepared.

February 7, 2003

Dr. Jones called to say they found another tumor (golf-ball size) between my bladder and colon/rectum.  He wants to remove it with abdominal surgery.  He is assuming it is malignant.  He gave us the weekend “to think it over.”

I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER SURGERY, but more than anything I want God to be glorified.  I am so confident that He will heal me.  What I don’t know is His specific plan for my healing.  I am sure that it matters to Him, whether I have surgery or not.  Either it IS part of the plan or it is NOT.  God has a specific strategy to defeat the enemy, so now we must have to wait on Him in prayer until He reveals it to us.  He is so able to heal me without surgery.  I KNOW that He can, but is that what He has chosen.  I’m listening.

Patricia Reeves came over this evening to pray with me.  God’s Spirit was present and powerful as she laid her hand on my stomach and prayed in the Spirit after we rebuked the enemy (cancer) together.

The Lord spoke through her that I “… was precious to Him.”  He would be with me through the darkness of night, and through every moment.  I was created for this time.  I was to rest in Him, and trust Him completely.

Thank You, Lord, for all Your promises and all of Your power.

 

In spite of the news from Dr. Jones, we still felt confident that God was totally in control. 

February 12, 2003

Wow!  Last night was so awesome!  Lowell called Trinity together for a time of prayer.  He had expressed our belief and HOPE that the word of the Lord would come through one of the people of Trinity (like what happened in 2 Chronicles 20).  Over one hundred showed up, and so did God!

As different ones came to the microphone to pray, our faith rose.  [One lady] shared her healing testimony, and then she prayed for me.  The presence and power of God filled the place, and a great roar of intercession went up to the heavens.  We all knew Satan’s power was broken, and God’s healing had come.  As [she] prayed, I heard Lowell weeping and laughing and saying, “This is IT.  It’s happening!”  We all knew it was done – finished!  We began to praise and shout and dance because of what the Lord had done.

I said to the crowd, “I hope you realize what God has done.  As sure as if there was a visible tumor that had fallen off, God has healed me tonight.  I’ve seen and learned that sometimes the symptoms linger, but the work is already done.  I am so confident of my healing that even if I were on my deathbed and died, I know that Lowell would raise me from the dead!”

Someone also brought a word that said, “This same power that said, ‘No more!’ to Vicki’s cancer wants to say, ‘No more!’ to the spiritual cancers in the body of Trinity.  There is healing in the room tonight.  God wants to heal your heart and your spirit.”

Lowell invited people to stand for healing of spiritual “cancers,” and many responded.

God, You are amazing!  I know this is only the beginning. You have stirred the people’s faith, and they will respond to Your Spirit.  I don’t know when or how my healing will manifest itself, but I can’t let that be my focus.  I hope it will be quickly, but I need to be prepared to trust God NO MATTER HOW LONG it takes.  He has spoken, and it WILL be done.

Dina gave me Numbers 23:19-24.  In the text it says, “God is not a man that He should lie, nor the son of man, that He should change His mind.  Does He speak and then not act?  Does He promise and not fulfill?  I have received a command to bless; he has blessed it, and I cannot change it.”

 

February 14, 2003

Well, the pain and spotting hasn’t gone away yet, but we are CONFIDENT that God will heal me – in His time.  Now I’m trying to decide if I should continue taking all the supplements or cut back on that and juicing.  I seem to have peace about continuing until my healing manifests itself.  One day at a time.

 

January 29, 2003

Just two days ago we went to Tuckers to pray for Herb Setchel, a friend of a friend, who’s dying with cancer.  Lowell used some of the principles he had heard on some teaching tapes to speak to the cancer.  I really believe God will perform a miracle in this man’s body, and heal him!  But the greater miracle is that Lowell was able to lead him to salvation.  It was so wonderful to witness!  I feel that this is only the beginning.

 

Then, Herb died.

 

February 16, 2003

Herb died last night.

It’s so hard to understand why.  What did we miss?  What went wrong?  We were so sure that we were being obedient in God’s leading.  It’s shaken my confidence in my own healing some.  How do we know if we’ve really heard from God on that?  Or … have we only gotten swept up in the emotion of things?

I HATE these doubts, but they’re here, and I have to deal with them.  I know that God is trustworthy, but I’m not so sure about my “discerner.”  Lowell says this is another episode of the “dark night of the soul.”  Seems to me I’ve been here before.  Bunches of time.

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me.  I’m not juicing or taking my supplements.  I’m realizing that if God doesn’t heal me then I’m going to die.

I’m hurting more today, and it scares me a little.  I hate my fear and my doubt.  I want my “strong faith and confidence” back.  Faith that can be shaken by circumstances is not truly faith in God.  It’s faith in my faith, and it doesn’t hold up under stress.  I thought my faith was in God … but maybe it wasn’t.  I’m disappointed in myself.  I’m speaking next weekend on “God Still Heals Today.”  I’ve got to get beyond my doubts and fears and back to who God really is.  THAT is the only unshakeable thing I know.

 

After Herb’s death Vicki was wondering, “What went wrong?”  Like Mike Barclay’s death in January of 2001, she had once again tied her next healing to another person’s recovery.  In this case, Herb’s. 

Once again Vicki had to confess that her vision had become myopic.  That’s why she wrote,  “Faith that can be shaken by circumstances is not truly faith in God.  It’s faith in my faith, and it doesn’t hold up under stress.”   I believe God knew Vicki wanted Herb to be healed, and that she was battling her insecurities. 

Vicki found herself at another crossroad.  It was time to take yet another leap of faith.  Once again her heart longed for victory over cancer – a complete and permanent healing!

February 18, 2003

I spent Monday in prayer and sermon preparation.  I felt a third tumor in my back, and it really shook me up.  But God is faithful.  As I prepared my message to strengthen others’ faith my own confidence in God has been restored.  We have to believe the Word of God over what we SEE.  One is always true.  The other can be an illusion.

I KNOW that God has promised to heal me.  The difference is that this time He has chosen to speak through His people instead of directly to me.  He showed me ahead of time that He was going to do that, but it’s not as secure a way for me to hear His voice.  Each time (Susan, Pat, Dave, Lori, Tuesday night event) His Spirit within me confirmed that it was a true word, but later I began to doubt.

I believe that God is teaching me the value of the Body of Christ, and the power He gives us to minister to one another in crisis.  He wants to speak through us – into each other’s lives – for healing, deliverance, comfort, and hope.  This is NOT just between me and God.  He wants to involve His Body in unity and greater power.

 

February 23, 2003

WOW!  What an amazing weekend!  (I’ve been saying that a lot lately.)  I’m still floating!  Friday and Saturday (the 21st and 22nd) twelve of us went to Williamsburg, to the Potomac District Women’s Retreat.  The speaker was Martha Tennison.  What a faith-building, powerful, Spirit-filled preacher she is!  But what God did in and through me in the two workshops I taught was beyond my greatest expectation.  I had prayed before I went:  “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly and immeasurably more than we can ask or think, according to His power that is working in us.  Let it be so, Lord.”

God answered BIG!  I’ve never preached with such power, confidence, and anointing – even through the prayer time.  What’s really cool is that Martha (Tennison) preached “my message” in the second session, and went further.  She said we CAN trust God for our healing in the same way we trust Him for our salvation.  “Faith doesn’t look at the process,” she said.  “Faith looks at the finished product.  Faith doesn’t look at the circumstances.  Faith looks at the promised results.”

 

Faith hopes!  Faith desires what hope dares to imagine.

Martha Tennison went on to say, “When God makes a promise, it knows no time limit (as in Elijah’s 14th miracle – after Elijah was dead, a dead man was thrown on the prophet’s bones, and he came to life).”

Martha prayed for my healing, and told me to stand firm on the promises of God.  “This is man’s report, but what does God have to say?”  (God’s words will never return to Him voided, but will always accomplish His intended purpose.)

As I was ministering healing with such anointing and power, I had a very strong sense that God was pleased with me; that if He was investing this measure of power and anointing in me, then His plans were to give me many more years to minister.

I am more determined than ever to press into the heart and deepest secrets of God.  There is so much more power and insight that He wants to give those who will press in and not grow weary.  I’m committed to killing every fleshly, self-serving thing in me.  They are only filters that block the flow of God in my life.  The more filters there are, the slower and weaker the flow of His Spirit through me.  Each time I can remove a mindset or stronghold that is SELF-serving, it increases the flow. 

I can’t get this out of my mind - I’m so happy!  Lowell is a wonderful gift from God to me!  But more importantly, I am God’s gift to HIM, intended to be his helper, his encourager – the puzzle-piece that completes him.  I am the frame and the stand that surrounds his portrait; to help it stand and to make it look as beautiful as possible.  God hand-selected me as a perfect frame, forming me in my mother’s womb for just this purpose, trusting me to hold Lowell firmly, and display his very best features to the world.  God stamped His image on Lowell’s heart, and his heart shines through his eyes.  I have the joy and honor of wrapping myself around that image until we become one.  The frame has its own beauty, with inlaid gold and sparkling jewels … but its main purpose is to enhance and display those beautiful eyes through which the heart of God shines.