Dancing Under a Sword

33.  Dancing Under A Sword

 

“Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

It's already tomorrow in Australia.”[204]

 

“… Prayer is nothing else than being on terms of friendship with God.”[205]

 

“There was a man who had two sons.”  So begins the parable told by Jesus of The Prodigal, or Lost, Son (see St. Luke 15:11-32).  The Greeks gave us parable – a word that came to mean a fictitious story that illustrates a moral and/or spiritual principle.  Jesus made up this story to teach His followers about the love God has for the lost in general, and the value He places on every single individual on this planet.  The father’s love for his two sons in Christ’s story is, therefore, extraordinary and unconditional.  While the lost son and the father dominate the lesson, the son who remained home has great significance, too.   

The Lord doesn’t mention the boys’ mother.

Vicki had two sons – young men she loved unconditionally.  They were never far from her thoughts.  They, along with her battle with cancer and our marriage, shaped the majority her life – her story.

July 14, 2001-B,

On July 1st Lowell preached at Christian Life Center in Williamsburg, Virginia.  Pastor Tom and Gail Wells[206] are great people.  Chris has attended CLC several times over the years and has a lot of friends in the church.  He was the person who brought about our contact with Pastor Tom.  Several times during the service I thought about Chris, imagining him being there with us.  The college ministry is so vibrant at CLC, and the young people we met were so warm.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Brandon lately – maybe because “it’s the squeaky wheel that gets the grease,” and maybe because he seems so lost.  His friend Abi (from Liverpool) is visiting him for about a month.  I’ve had such a burden for him recently.  I had a very disturbing dream that I believe was from God.  We were all in a house.  There was something very dangerous upstairs that had killed many who had gone up to confront “it.”  Brandon and Abi went up, and I heard Brandon screaming in terror and pain.  I just knew he was dead as I ran upstairs.  I found both Brandon and Abi bloodied and wounded, but alive.  They had destroyed this “thing” by calling on some spiritual force for extra power.  The others (the ones who had been killed) hadn’t known to call on this force and so they were destroyed by its strength.

When I awoke I felt that Brandon was in great danger and needed to be warned that Satan was out to destroy him … unless he called on God to save him.

I’ve called Brandon many times recently and he hasn’t returned my calls.

Also God woke Lowell for three nights in a row so that he would pray for Brandon.  When he got up and asked God how he was to pray he heard God say, “Pray that he’ll stop.”  (Don’t know what that means.)

Lord, please protect our son and Your child.  You have chosen him to serve You, and Satan is trying to destroy the plans and purposes You have for him.  Convict him and draw him into an intimate understanding of Your love for him and his position in You.

Please take Brandon to Jeremiah 29:11-14 – “ … For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.  I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity."  Amen.

 

Like Vicki, I’ve learned that when mothers journal they tend to write a lot about their children.

August 1, 2001

Today I started thinking about Brandon again, and felt like the Lord said to me, “Vicki, wrap your mind around Chris for a while.  Think about him.  Pray for him.  Celebrate him.”

I was so startled.  Those thoughts came to me so clearly, I knew they were from God.

Immediately I thought about the word “brave.”  I don’t think of Chris being reckless, or being a dare-devil, although he does a lot of things that seem risky to me.  (He’s really into the outdoors.  I’m so glad!  He has a few new “loves” – kayaking being one that makes me nervous.  He’s also into rock-climbing, and since going to Lee he’s been going camping – once by himself.)

Chris is brave, and bold.  He’ll do things other people won’t even think of.  He was in Guatemala last semester and walked up to a man on the street and said, “Can I see your house?”  The man must have been caught off guard because he said, “Yes.”  He invited Chris into his beautiful home during a Spring religious parade (the town’s people spread flowers on the roads, like carpets with religious pictures), while the man’s wife was having a party for friends and family. 

On that same day he walked up to another man who was in an expensive car and asked if he could see that man’s house.  He said, “Yes,” too! 

Amazing.  God gave him that boldness.  Lowell and I were just saying, “Chris is not afraid to hear the word, ‘No.’”  We both noted, too, that ever since Chris was young he had the “gift of persuasion.” 

Chris is persistent.  He just doesn’t give up easily.  Lowell and I would watch him wrestle for James River and we’d say, “Wow, Chris just won’t give in.  He’s determined to win.”

He’s also very compassionate.  One time when he was wrestling a boy from one of the high schools he hurt the boy’s shoulder really bad.  He was so kind to the boy.  Chris won the match, and afterward went over and sat down next to the boy.  Then we saw something wonderful.  Chris put his hand gently on the boy’s hurt shoulder and prayed for him right in front of everyone.  He was more concerned about the boy’s hurt shoulder than he was about people’s opinions.

One more thought came to me about Christopher.  He’s tender.  I don’t think I appreciate that as much as I should.

My prayer for my son, Lord, is that he will always know Your great love for him, and know that he is loved – and admired – by us.  I’m celebrating the fact that Chris loves You.  He’s studying the Bible and Theology in college, and he’s interested in missions.  Maybe he’ll end up serving You in some Latin American country, or among Latinos in our country.  You know.  I trust You.  And I trust Chris, too.  He has a good heart, and he’s learning to hear You.  Amen.

I’ve also seen a new tenderness in Chris.  When he was younger he would fight back tears, and sometimes he’d pull away from me and Lowell.  But now his heart is so soft.  Now he’ll be talking to me or Lowell, and his eyes will well up with tears, and he’ll passionately describe how he’s feeling about life and God and missions and people.

Lowell told me about a conversation that Chris had that put a lump in my throat and made me catch my breath.  They went out for coffee and Chris asked Lowell about serving God with the possibility of “dying for Christ.”  Lowell said he was really caught off guard, but he knew that this was a very important moment.  (He said it was holy.)  Chris was so serious.  He has this sense that his life is not his own, and that he has a special purpose. 

We’ve always thought that Chris had a special calling on his life, too, but this is much heavier than we ever thought.  He’s even thinking that he may not ever get married so he can concentrate on ministry 100%.

I don’t know how I feel about all this.  I just know that Chris loves You, God.  I want to live to see Chris accomplish great things for You, and have fun doing it!

 

August 14, 2001

We’ve just had a week in New Smyrna Beach, Florida, with the entire family, minus my boys.

I’m returning to work at the bank this month.  I’ve been on paid disability for 16 months, and I have SO enjoyed not working … but the circumstances point to my need to go back to work.  Also, and MOST importantly, God spoke to me one morning on the beach.  His Spirit said, “Vicki, if I called you to a foreign mission field you wouldn’t hesitate to leave your family, friends, and church and obey.  The bank will be your mission field, and you won’t have to learn a new language or leave your home.  I want you to obey with a happy heart.”

So … it’s back to work, and I’ll tell my story every chance I get.

We had a wonderful summer with Chris.  He left for school (Lee University in Cleveland, Tennessee) Sunday, and, as always, I cried.  I love having him home, even though I rarely saw him for more than an hour at a time.  He turned 21 this summer, and has become such a caring, compassionate, and yes – intense young man.  He has strong opinions and strong convictions, and wants to please God above all else.  God has given him incredible wisdom and discernment, much like Lowell when he was his age.  It seems to be a special gift for the Qualls men – it’s a generational blessing.  People come to Chris for counsel and advice, and he opens God’s truth to them.  God has blessed us beyond words, and I’m so grateful.

I received an encouraging “word” from Adina concerning Brandon.  She said God had told her long ago that Brandon would be “the preacher,” and she saw him doing great things for God.  Brandon may take some detours but God will accomplish in his life what He has spoken over Brandon since he was a little boy.

 

Coincidentally, that week Vicki and I read a letter from C. S. Lewis to Sheldon Vanauken, a dear friend.  Lewis was writing about his wife, Joy, and her battle with cancer.  When we read it we thought only about our sons. 

“27 November 1957 – My own news continues better than we ever dared to hope.  The cancerous bones have rebuilt themselves in a way quite unusual and Joy can now walk: on a stick and with a limp, it is true, but it is a walk – and far less than a year ago it took 3 people to move her in bed and we often hurt her. 

“Her general health, and spirits, seem excellent.  Of course the sword of Damocles hangs over us.  Or [should] I say that circumstances have opened our eyes to see the sword which really hangs always over everyone.”[207]

Lewis’ reference to the sword of Damocles spoke to us.

Cicero[208] was a Roman statesman, lawyer and philosopher, and is considered one of ancient Rome’s greatest orators.  He’s credited with passing along the story of The Sword of Damocles, and making the anecdote a part of the European cultural mainstream.

The Damocles of legend was an aristocrat in the court of Dionysius II of Syracuse, a fourth century BC tyrant.  When he was in court Damocles continuously flattered Dionysius, calling him a great man, making a big deal of his power and authority, and saying the king was “truly fortunate.”

Dionysius shocked Damocles when he offered to switch places for a day – so he could taste first hand that fortune.  In the evening a banquet was held, and Damocles – his head swelling – was enjoying being waited upon like a king.  Only at the end of the meal did he look up and notice a sharpened sword hanging by a single piece of horsehair directly above his head.  The legend goes that he immediately lost all taste for the fine foods and the praises of his friends.  He asked leave of the tyrant, saying he no longer wanted to be so fortunate.[209]

That proverbial sword, with its allusion to the fact that all our lives “hang by a thread,” was brought home to every American in 2001.  Vicki wrote about it.

September 20, 2001

The unimaginable has happened.  Our nation was attacked on Tuesday, September 11th, by terrorists!  The two World Trade Center towers were hit by passenger jets, and [both buildings’] 110 floors crumbled to the ground, killing over [estimated at that time] 5,000 people.  They (whoever they are) also hit the Pentagon, killing many more there. 

People are in shock, and they’re mourning.  President Bush has declared war.  But war on who?  We still don’t know exactly who is responsible.  There’s an incredible sense of patriotism and pride in our people as they pour out their love, money, and help for those effected.  

But there is something far greater – a sense of needing God and prayer at this time.  Talk is everywhere of praying for help and comfort.  Churches are rallying, and challenging us to be a light in a dark time and place.  We pray that this will be a thing that turns our nation’s heart back toward God and brings revival to our land.  We’ve always known that people rarely turn to God except through crisis.  This is a huge crisis!

I’m in Florida, preparing to speak at Victorious Life Church[210] in Tampa on Sunday evening, and then I’ll be going to a women’s retreat sponsored by Church In The Son[211] in Orlando (next weekend).  I’ll then be speaking at Church In The Son on Sunday.

I’m so aware of the timeliness of my message.  I had to face death before I let God change my heart from self-centered to God-centered.  My message, that we need to focus on eternal things because temporary/earthly things will not last, has been shockingly illustrated to us all.  “No one is guaranteed tomorrow” can’t be denied any longer by the “Pollyannaism” that infects our nation and our churches.  Death has been before our eyes constantly for the past week, and every single person in our nation is feeling very vulnerable right now.  Not one of the Twin Towers victims could have imagined their fate last Tuesday.  It’s more important than ever that we live our lives to the fullest, and be prepared for the reality of death, whenever it may come.

As Christians, we take great comfort in knowing that we do have a hope that goes beyond the grave.  Our future is secure and certain – eternity with our Lord and God.

 

Our entire nation was shaken on September 11, 2001.  We were emotionally and spiritually unprepared for what happened in New York, Washington, and the field in Pennsylvania.  Much of our national conversation centered around the inhumane, unimaginable death of hundreds of innocent people at one time.

King Solomon, reputed to be the wisest man in human history, wrote:  “…you are going to die, and you should think about it while there is still time.”  (Ecclesiastes 7:1-2)

On many occasions Vicki encouraged her audiences to think about life this way:  “The question is NOT, ‘What if I died today – from cancer or being run over by a bus?  Would I stand before God with confidence … or would I shrink from Him in shame?’   The Real Question is, ‘Knowing that one day I will die – be it today or 25 years from now – am I living my life in a God-pleasing and Kingdom-building way?’  We still have time to adjust the way we live.” 

We’re all guilty of blocking from our minds the inevitability of death, even if we have cancer.  If the only certainties in life are death and taxes, why doesn’t death get at least equal time with taxes?

It wasn’t Vicki’s intention when she spoke to “bring everybody down” with talk about death and dying, but it was always a part of her message.  She shared how, before “The Miracle,” there wasn’t a day that went by when she didn’t touch her tumor-inflated tummy and think, “This ‘thing’ is trying to kill me!”  When she was healed she celebrated a new lease on life.  She talked about getting a reprieve, having a sense of new beginnings … a fresh start.  It made what she shared about “the new birth” (as Jesus called it in John 3) more real, and imaginable.

Vicki’s new ministry was taking on a life of its own.

September 27, 2001

I’m in Cocoa Beach for the Church In The Son “Women’s Advance.”  I spoke at my Dad’s church (Victorious Christian Life) in Tampa last Sunday evening, and 60+ came forward for prayer.  Four people came forward for salvation!  It was a great service, and it was so wonderful to have Gary, Sami, and Wendy there.  It’s been a wonderful visit with Gary.  He talks about his new walk with God and he’s really growing.  I love it!

Judy[212] and I came over one night early – to the Double Tree Inn.  We met Sue and several other women so that we could pray for the meetings tomorrow and Saturday.  A lady by the name of Elaine spoke a powerful prophetic word over me.  It was, in part:  “God is preparing to take you to a new level.  It will be a leap to a new dimension in ministry and anointing that you have never known.  You will lead people to new places in their faith.  Your faith will ignite their faith.  Your ministry will seem uncomfortable, but you will trust God as you have in the past.  This is what He has been preparing you for.”

 

October 24, 2001:

God did such amazing things in Florida!  It was truly one of the most incredible experiences of my life.  There were 160 ladies present, and they came expecting God to do something.  He didn’t disappoint them.  The altar times were so powerful, and hearts were dramatically changed.  So many told me how God had touched their hearts through my messages; many shared what God did in their life with tears. 

It felt so unreal – that I was the conference speaker, and that God had put me in a position to touch so many lives.

I found out (after the conference and ministry at Church In The Son) that Mindy, the Youth Pastor’s wife, was completely healed.  She had a debilitating form of fibromyalgia.[213]  She went from taking Vioxx®[214] and Darvocet[215] every night to being pain free, with a full return of energy.

[On the Sunday night that I ministered at the church] an older lady was healed of almost total blindness in one eye!  A nine-year-old boy who had asthma so bad that he couldn’t go to school was healed.  (He could breathe freely without his inhaler or medicines by Monday morning!) 

Wow God!  I felt God’s presence so strongly Sunday morning at Church In The Son.  Four or five people came forward for salvation, and 100+ came forward for prayer.  The Spirit of God was so powerful at the altar as people waited in His presence. 

I was absolutely exhausted, but at the same time so full of thanksgiving and joy as I flew home that evening.

Since then I’ve spoken to a women’s group in Fredericksburg, Virginia, and Lowell and I spoke together at Trinity Assembly of God in Fairmont, West Virginia.[216]