Partners of a Different Kind

14. Partners of a Different Kind

 

“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence and true friendship.”[87]

 

“The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.”[88]

 

October 2, 1994

Christ is teaching me to lean more on Him and less on Lowell.  Every time Lowell pulls away, puts up a wall, or wounds me, it seems I hear the Spirit reminding me that only He is my strength, my source, and my security.

I’ve spent too many years drawing my strength and very “purpose for being” from Lowell.  I was his wife, the mother of his children, the Queen Mother of his church.  Suddenly all that is on sinking sand, and I find myself feeling lost and purposeless.  But the Spirit is just beginning to show me that I have a greater purpose, a stronger foundation.  He alone is trustworthy.  No man.  He alone can meet my deepest needs.

I have to move toward Him and away from Lowell so that even if Lowell walks away from me I won’t collapse.  I’ll have an anchor to hold me.  My only security now has to be in Christ.  There is no other way to make it through this.

“As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after Thee.  You alone are my heart’s desire, and I long to worship Thee.  You alone are my strength, my shield – to You alone may my spirit yield.  You alone are my heart’s desire, and I long to worship Thee.”

 

Changes began to come.  My heart, so cold just weeks before, was warming.

October 12, 1994

Lowell seems so much better this past week.  He actually fell asleep holding me last night.  He’s been tender again … and I’ve even seen “the light” in his eyes a time or two when he looked at me.  It’s such a wonderful contrast to those empty eyes I’ve been looking into for so long.

I know the emptiness wasn’t something of my doing – just something I’ve been caught up in.  It’s this inner struggle that he’s going through … and he won’t really be happy again until he and God get it all worked out.  Just as my [ultimate] happiness can’t be tied to Lowell, I feel sure that he’s working through the fact that his happiness is more tied to his relationship with God than anything or anyone else.  When the two of them (Lowell and God) have struggled through this insecure time, when God has finally convinced him of his value, both on earth and in heaven, then I feel confident that this unpleasant chapter of our lives will be behind us.  I believe that when Lowell feels good about himself again, then he’ll be able to love me more openly.

I thank You, Lord, that You are working in him.  I know that you love him dearly … as I do.

 

When I saw the movie, “The Notebook,”[89] I understood at an experiential and gut-level the depth of love the actors tried to capture on the screen.  The tagline for the movie is, “Behind every great love is a great story.”  The movie focuses on an old man (played by James Garner) lovingly and patiently reading a story to an old woman (Gena Rowlands) who’s afflicted by Alzheimer’s Disease.  The setting is a nursing home, and the story he reads follows two young lovers, Allie Hamilton and Noah Calhoun, who meet one evening at a carnival. 

At the end of the movie we discover what we suspected was true from the beginning … the old man is Noah, and the old lady is Allie.  The love Noah had for Allie never died, in spite of the ravages of the disease that took her mind.

I cried when I saw that movie.  It was released on DVD not long after Vicki died, and I thought, “When I was caught in the web of depression brought on by unmet and unrealistic expectations, Vicki kept loving me.  When I was ‘dying,’ Vicki came to my rescue.  She didn’t quit on me!”  I’m in her debt … forever.

December 1, 1994

I feel I really have my husband back again.  God has performed a miracle in Lowell’s heart and in our marriage.  He’s healing us both, and restoring our hope for a wonderful future together.

 

Just when Vicki was celebrating my return to the world of the sane, life took a very serious turn in her December 5, 1994 entry:

Things are falling apart with Brandon … and yet they’re coming together at the same time.  All this week he’s gotten in serious trouble at school and has been threatened with suspension for his attitude toward several teachers.  At the same time he confessed to Lowell that he had taken a loaded pistol to school and sold it to a boy.  He stole the gun from Gary in September [when we were there for Gary’s wedding].  We can hardly believe it.  Now the police have discovered it all and are involved.  Fortunately for Brandon, they took the gun away from this boy before he could use it.  If the school finds out it’s automatic expulsion.  We don’t know what will happen yet. 

Thankfully, Brandon is very [sorrowful] and tenderhearted right now.  A lot of tears have been shed by all of us.  We hope God is using this to turn his heart around. 

We sure need divine wisdom!

 

The night of Brandon’s arrest at James River High School, I forced myself to go to our church leadership meeting.  We called ourselves, “The Advisory Council,” and over the years it was made up of remarkable men and women.  I counted them as my dearest friends. 

I was noticeably down.  After an opening prayer I told the group we’d have to suspend our regular order of business to deal with a crisis.  That’s when I broke down.  I could hardly get the words out.  I said, “Well, you are an ADVISORY council, so I’m in the right place.”

I told them about the events of the day, and then I said, “I’ve been looking over the requirements for church leadership the Apostle Paul offered up to Timothy.” 

I was referring to 1 Timothy 3:1-5.  “Here is a trustworthy saying:  If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task.  Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.  He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.  (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)”

 I continued, “I believe I’m now disqualified from leading Trinity.  I must offer you my resignation.”

There was an eerie silence in the room for about a minute.  That’s a long time to have something that awful and that important hanging in the air, suspended in space.

One of the guys broke the stillness, suggested that we close the meeting, and that everyone spend a couple of days thinking and praying about what they had heard.   We agreed to meet later in the week.

Three days later the Advisory Council members arrived, took their seats in my office, and allowed a hush to fall over the room.  Again, there was an eerie silence – one you could feel.  Vicki was with me this time.  We spoke first, thanking the Council for the telephone calls laced with love and concern that we had received over the previous 72 hours.  Then it was time to hear what they thought.

One of the men had been asked to speak on behalf of the others.  He began this way:  “Pastor … Vicki … there was only one Perfect Parent, and He had two perfect children … and He put them in a perfect environment … and they still screwed things up.”

Vic and I stared straight ahead, each of us fighting the impulse to look at the other.  Our friend continued, “We’ve thought about it, prayed about it, and talked it over amongst ourselves … and we think you should definitely NOT resign.  You two have stuck with all of us through our tough times.  You’ve been there for us.  You’ve prayed for us, and cried with us.  Now it’s time for us to do the same for you.  We want to take care of you, and support you as you go through whatever it is you have to go through.”

What came next was the best group hug you can imagine.  There were tears, sure.  But there was something in the room you could cut with a knife, but it was no longer a silence.  It had an atmosphere, almost like humidity, and it felt like it was saturated with holiness.  We knew it was the love of God, flowing through imperfect people, perfectly.

With our friends behind us and with us we moved forward into uncertain days, certain we were not alone.

Nine days later, on December 17, 1994 Vicki wrote:

I awakened early (at 4 AM) this morning with a strong sense of urgency to get up and pray for my family.  (I went into my bathroom)  I began to have such a powerful, anointed time of praying “in the spirit.”  I actually had a vision of angels surrounding the back of our house near our bedroom and I knew they were protecting Lowell and me from harm and spiritual defeat. 

Then I began to see the Israelites of the Old Testament during the time the Angel of Death was passing through Egypt, taking the first-born of every family that did not have the blood of the lamb sprinkled on the doorposts of their home.

 

Vicki wants you to understand the basis of this dream.

Maybe you’ve seen the movie, The Ten Commandments, starring Charlton Heston. The muscular, 6 ft 3 in, square-jawed Heston became an icon by portraying Moses in the film – a part he was chosen for reportedly because director Cecil B. DeMille thought that he bore an uncanny resemblance to the statue of Moses by Michelangelo.  And while Heston did an awesome job portraying the leader of the people of Israel, some of the 1956 cutting-edge special effects stole the show.  Two come to mind.  The parting of the Red Sea – it made cinematic history, and the movement of the Death Angel (portrayed as an evil fog slipping quietly into the bed chambers of the Egyptians in the middle of the night, killing the first-born sons in each home).

In the biblical record of the event we are told that the only way the Death Angel would not enter the homes of the Israelites or Egyptians was if they did something extraordinary.

“Now the LORD gave the following instructions to Moses and Aaron while they were still in the land of Egypt:  ‘… Announce to the whole community that on the tenth day of this month each family must choose a lamb or a young goat for a sacrifice … This animal must be a one-year-old male, either a sheep or a goat, with no physical defects.

“Take special care of these lambs until the evening of the fourteenth day of this first month.  Then each family in the community must slaughter its lamb.  They are to take some of the lamb’s blood and smear it on the top and sides of the doorframe of the house where the lamb will be eaten … On that night I will pass through the land of Egypt and kill all the firstborn sons and firstborn male animals in the land of Egypt.  I will execute judgment against all the gods of Egypt, for I am the LORD!  The blood you have smeared on your doorposts will serve as a sign.  When I see the blood, I will pass over you.  This plague of death will not touch you when I strike the land of Egypt.’

“Then Moses called for the leaders of Israel and said, ‘Tell each of your families to slaughter the lamb they have set apart for the Passover. Drain each lamb’s blood into a basin. Then take a cluster of hyssop branches and dip it into the lamb’s blood.  Strike the hyssop against the top and sides of the doorframe, staining it with the blood.  And remember, no one is allowed to leave the house until morning. For the LORD will pass through the land and strike down the Egyptians.  But when he sees the blood on the top and sides of the doorframe, the LORD will pass over your home.  He will not permit the Destroyer to enter and strike down your firstborn.’

“So the people of Israel did just as the LORD had commanded through Moses and Aaron.  And at midnight the LORD killed all the firstborn sons in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn son of Pharaoh, who sat on the throne, to the firstborn son of the captive in the dungeon.  Even the firstborn of their livestock were killed.  Pharaoh and his officials and all the people of Egypt woke up during the night, and loud wailing was heard throughout the land of Egypt.  There was not a single house where someone had not died.”[90]

 

No wonder what happened next in Vicki’s dream was so meaningful to her.  She wrote:

Then I saw someone taking blood and wiping it around the doorframes of Brandon and Chris’ rooms.  There was a large guardian angel at the door of each room, and I sensed the Spirit of the Lord saying to me, “They have the blood of the Lamb sprinkled on the doorposts of their hearts and the Death Angel cannot touch them.”

Then I was reminded that Brandon was dedicated to the Lord even before conception, when we gave up our right to have children …

I was overwhelmed with an absolute assurance that God’s hand was upon every member of my family, and we were sealed with His Son’s blood.  It was one of the most powerful prayer times I’ve ever experienced.  Praise God for His faithfulness when we need Him most!

 

Vicki was now dancing the Fandango, “… a lively Spanish dance in triple time performed with castanets or tambourines.”  The dance begins slowly and tenderly, the rhythm is marked by the clack of castanets, snapping of fingers, and stomping of feet.  The speed gradually increases to a whirl of exhilaration.[91]  What they don’t tell you about the Fandango is that when the dance is winding down the dancers fall into an exhausted heap.

December 31, 1994

New Year’s Eve – but we’re not out celebrating.  This morning, by order of the Juvenile and Domestic Court of Chesterfield County, we turned Brandon in to the police.  He’s being held in a detention center for three-and-a-half days.  His hearing will be on Tuesday, and we’ll know if he comes home or goes back for a while.  We’re really scared for him, but we also believe God is in control of even this.

Brandon’s life was headed down a destructive path, and only God could have intervened in this way.  He knows what it will take to turn his heart around.  We’ve always given Him permission to do anything necessary to save his soul.  Nothing else really matters, does it?

 

January 3, 1995

We brought Brandon home under “house arrest” until his court date on February 10th.  We have to be with him constantly until then.  This may be a real blessing in disguise.  It’s SO good to have him home again.  He’s so cute – he can’t quit smiling and saying how good it feels to be home (after being in the detention center).  He seems to be taking this very seriously – as he should.

 

January 18, 1995

Brandon was expelled from school last week – perhaps for the rest of the year.  It seems they have no tolerance for guns in school … and they shouldn’t.

 

We were told to expect the expulsion, but we really didn’t prepare for it.  We naively thought Brandon might have to spend an extended period of time out of school, you know, to teach him a lesson.  But in Chesterfield County, Virginia, taking a gun to school is a Class 3 Felony, and written into Chesterfield’s school policies manual is a “no exception” clause when it comes to guns on school property.  The penalty?  Automatic expulsion.

Brandon was now at home, and on his best behavior.  We didn’t have any trouble with him during his house arrest, and we used the time to do some mind-exploration, trying to help Brandon figure out why there were disconnects between his and our understanding of right and wrong.  Eventually Brandon arrived at these conclusions:  he did most things impulsively, not weighing the possible negative consequences.  He was drawn to anything that seemed, at first glance, to be exciting, new, or fun.   Consequences weren’t factored in.  He was curious about drugs and alcohol, and liked the effects they had on his body.

Oh. 

Vicki continued,

Only God can bring good out of this.  Sure hope He does.  I’m being fickle again, vacillating between trust and fear.  I know God is trustworthy, but I can’t quit planning and scheming what my backup plan will be.  Ha!  All of my efforts to this point sure haven’t helped the situation any.  I’d better relax and trust!

I like this next part.

Lowell has been wonderful through all this.  He has a strength and calm that can only come from above.  I can’t even imagine this horror of going through this six months ago, when he was feeling so weak and insecure.  There’s been such a healing in him that it truly seems like a miracle. 

I have my wonderful, secure, spiritual leader-husband back, and I love it!  But there is a difference.  There’s a new tenderness and compassion that wasn’t there before – a gentler spirit that’s more dependent on God than before. 

I don’t think either one of us will ever go back to being the people we were a year ago.  I don’t think we should.  God is growing and developing our character through pain.  I don’t like the pain, but I know it’s necessary for the days ahead of us. 

I have a strong sense that He has a bigger plan for us that we weren’t capable of accepting a year ago.  Even now, we’re not ready.  There’s more to come. 

It scares me and excites me both, but I trust You, Lord.  I trust You with my life, my son’s lives, and Lowell’s life.  I know You’re working out Your plan.  Help me not to fight against You!

 

Brandon went to court and the judge sentenced him to time served, two years of probation, and community service.

February 11, 1995

Brandon’s sixteenth birthday.

Matthew 7:24-27 reads, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house upon the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house; yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house … and it fell with a great crash!”

Thank You, Lord, that our house was built on solid rock.

 

The very next week Vicki and I made an appointment with the Chesterfield County School Board, to talk about Brandon’s options or lack thereof.  Without exception, the members of the Board were kind and professional.  They had a tough job, and took their responsibilities seriously.  That night they informed us of a special school for expelled students cooperatively developed by the city of Richmond, and Chesterfield and Henrico Counties.  Brandon would be placed there.  His behavior, attendance, and grades would be closely monitored, and he could never miss a homework assignment.  Furthermore, they said, “No promises, but if he does well we’ll consider over the summer whether or not he can return to Chesterfield County for the remaining years of high school.”

That last statement was music to Brandon’s ears.  For the next four months he was an exemplary student and a much happier son.

Vic’s next journal entry was on October 29, 1995.  Brandon was back in a Chesterfield County school, but the turmoil had unexpectedly returned.

So much has happened.  Where do I begin?

Lowell is growing in the Lord and good things are happening between us.  Now it’s Brandon that is falling apart again.  He’s been involved in drugs, drinking and fighting, and has actually had his life threatened at gunpoint by three boys who are now in jail because of it.

I know that guardian angels are protecting him, and our prayer is that his life would be spared until he makes a rededication to the Lord.  I believe he will … but when?

I know that all of this involves great spiritual warfare.  We’re set to go into our new building (TAG) in two weeks, and I know that God has great things planned for us – so Satan is fighting as hard as he can to defeat us.

God has impressed on me the need to pray intensely for this crisis time in our church and family.  He will answer if we will pray fervently.  (James 5:16 KJV – “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.  The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”)

I had a strange dream last night, but it was more than a dream.  I looked out my front window and saw people digging a huge hole in my front yard.  I was outraged, and called Lowell to find out what they were doing.  Then we looked again and there was a second hole, and we could see dozens of people in a water-filled underground tunnel that went under our entire front yard … even into the neighbors’ yard.  The odd thing was, they were there for us … They were all working to try to catch these creatures.  Then I knew that these creatures were the things that had been harassing and tormenting us.  Suddenly I could make sense of it.  We weren’t fighting our battles alone.  God had people helping us.